Saturday, 4th April 2020

'Posing up a storm' and other expressions for twats

ARE you keen to look like a massive twat for some reason? Simply use these incredibly irksome contemporary phrases in everyday life.

‘Posing up a storm’

Normally used by the Daily Mail when perving over micro-celebs, eg. “Love Island’s Sophie posed up a storm in a bikini that left NOTHING to the imagination…’ Try it yourself with Facebook photos: “Gran posed up a storm in her swimsuit at Norwich leisure centre!’

‘Gotten’ 

Popular among Britons who want to imply they’re a bit American and trendy. They may also refer to Autumn as ‘Fall’. Strangely they never use Americanisms that make them sound like morons, eg. “I gone got me a sandwich for lunch, yes sir.”

‘Whip-smart’

Frequently used by TV critics to heap excessive praise on something. Example: “With its realistic depiction of espionage and whip-smart dialogue by Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Killing Eve is simply the greatest achievement in human history.”

‘Playing 4-D chess’

Shorthand for doing something incredibly clever. Except it’s now such a modern cliche only journalists and twats use it. Dominic Cummings undoubtedly believes he is playing 4-D chess.

‘Balls to the wall’

Originally a military aviation term, this is now only used in the dullest of business contexts by middle-management types: “When the order for 12 extra boxes of all-weather duct tape came in, Gavin and I had our balls to the wall.”

‘Do not front with me’

A way of saying ‘Do not adopt a false persona’, which would actually sound intelligent and be taken seriously. Already destined for the language graveyard containing ‘standard’, ‘well wicked’ and Duncan Norvelle’s ‘Chase me!’.