Saturday, 4th April 2020

'Woke' guy an absolute d*ck to go out with

A MAN who thinks of himself as ‘woke’ has demonstrated he can still be an enormous pain in the ar*e to go out with. 

Despite attending a women’s rights march last month while wearing a t-shirt saying ‘feminist’, Nathan Muir is routinely selfish and condescending towards girlfriend Nikki Hollis. 

Hollis said: “Nathan’s a strong critic of privileged white males like him. He also sulks like a child if we don’t always watch the TV programme he wants to.

“He says he’s committed to ending the gender pay gap, which is good, but he does keep telling me to work less hours because I’m not spending enough time with him. 

“Also I’m sure I saw him trying to chat up my attractive friend Lucy, so his support for women clearly doesn’t include not dumping me for someone better looking.

“And if he says ‘Why are you wearing makeup? You’re much prettier au naturel’ one more time I’m going to smash his highly principled liberal face in.”

Muir said: “They say women are attracted to b*stards rather than progressive guys like me, but luckily Nikki knows what’s good for her.”