ARE you away on holiday and feeling obliged to bring back gifts for the saddoes back home? Here are some lazy choices that will delight nobody.
Tacky memorabilia
Give something gaudy with the name of the luxury holiday destination where you are ‘making memories’ and the recipient has never been. A Galápagos Islands fridge magnet reminding them how much better your holidays are than theirs is pretty cruel. In fact, any fridge magnet is shit. You could at least go for a keyring or tea towel that has a practical use. Don’t.
The same for everybody
That ‘special’ bottle of balsamic vinegar for Mum will seem like a thoughtful gift until she sees the exact same bottle at your sister’s house and your brother’s house and your granny’s house… and your laziness is exposed. Maybe they’ll get the message and stop buying you things when they go away and the whole ‘generosity’ charade can end.
Lethal local alcohol
Rough-as-f**k sangria is the classic. But try a bottle of local spirit that may cost them their eyesight. And they can’t even re-gift it because everyone knows they’ve never been to Mexico. Instead, it will take up space on their alcohol shelf until the day they die, periodically tricking them into thinking they’ve got an extra bottle of wine left, only to be disappointed just when they fancied a drink.
An accessory
Gifting a scarf or a necklace for someone you see regularly is a curse, as they’ll feel obliged to ruin their outfit with it every so often so as not to offend you. And even more of a nightmare when it’s some enormous shell necklace or garish rock bracelet from a beach they never went to that everyone’s going to ask questions about.
Airport panic-buy
Nothing says ‘I don’t give a shit’ like a present you clearly bought at the airport. A cut-price bottle of vodka, a novelty pack of M&Ms – something that has absolutely no relation to where you’ve been on holiday. It’s so obviously a panic-buy just leave it in the duty free bag and don’t even bother to pretend. On the upside, at least they may enjoy it.
Something good
Buying something expensive and/or genuinely thoughtful is the worst thing you can do. Because now your friend is going to feel obliged either to ruin their own holiday trying to find something equally lovely to reciprocate, or feel shit about the lousy present they’ve already got you (see all of the above).
