Single man has single pan

A SINGLE man who lives by himself owns and does all his cooking with one single pan, it has emerged.

Nathan Muir of Colchester uses the same sauté pan which his mum bought him when he left home to cook everything from scrambled eggs to omelettes, and has never felt the need to purchase any more.

He said: “They sell these sets of pans. Why I don’t know. Just wash the pan after you’ve used it and stop being so lazy.

“I can’t exactly cook with two pans at once, can I? I’m not an octopus. Anyway the stove’s back burners don’t work. It’s a rented flat after all.

“My last girlfriend said I at least needed a frying pan, but what use is that when I need to boil an egg? Exactly. Whereas this pan’s an all-rounder.

“I think people only get lots of different pans to look like they’re better cooks than they are. Whereas actually I’m the best cook, because I can do it all using one pan.”

Ex-girlfriend Grace Wood-Morris said: “I left Nathan over his f**king tragic devotion to that pan, so please don’t tell him he makes a brilliant bacon sandwich on it.”

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The seven things you used to have that are worth absolutely shitloads now

THAT thing you used to have? Selling for a grand on eBay now. If only you’d kept it, along with all this shit:

Old band poster

Remember that New Order poster you transferred between five different flats, the corners getting more ragged with each move so you threw it away? Everyone else who owned it did the same, which is why surviving copies are going for f**king hundreds.

Pokemon cards

Ah, you loved these. They were so cool and you were the only one in your year to have a first-edition holographic Chansey. Then you got a girlfriend in Year Ten and threw them away. Threw away several thousand pounds.

Rave flyers

They were always giving these out back in the day, in the streets outside record shops. You kept a few in a bedside drawer or something because you liked the art. You don’t even remember throwing them out. You don’t want to know how much they fetch now, for the sake of your sanity.


You’ve still got that collection of football programmes and comics. You’ve kept them pristine too. So’s everyone else. That shitty photocopied fanzine you picked up for a laugh? No idea where that went. Shame, it just sold for £780.

Old Nintendo games

You’ve got those! You saved them, along with the original console! You might even have the boxes! Okay, you’ve not got the really valuable ones but still, score. Until your mum tells you they went to the Scope shop six years ago. She still has your ZX Spectrum games, though. A cassette of Jet Set Willy fetches £1.99 plus postage.

Vintage football shirts

You got Chelsea shirts every birthday for nine years. You wore them to death and they defined your identity. Which is sad for all kinds of reasons, not least because they could have paid off your mortgage years ago.

90s vinyl

You were conditioned to think of valuable vinyl as Bowie LPs and Beatles singles, meaning you never considered for a moment that your sisters’ Spice Girls and George Michael records could be worth big money. Pity you ruined them by pretending to do scratching while stoned with your mates for a laugh.