COMMON sense dictates you should go to the loo, but you feel compelled to have a white-knuckle race between completing a minor chore and weeing yourself. Which will win?
Putting shopping away
In the time it takes to have a piss your shopping will not go off, defrost, or walk away. However the urge to put everything away is strong. Due to the mounting piss crisis the task will be rushed, items will go in the wrong places and you’ll have to reorganise everything later. At which point gravity will win and a nosy neighbour peering into your back garden will have a view of you sitting on the kitchen sink they’re unlikely to forget.
Making a brew
You’re making a hot drink, but need the loo. So why continue? Pouring and stirring will only make a desperate situation worse. If you do manage to finish, you’ll have to leave it cooling down while you race to the loo. But because you don’t like tepid coffee you stupidly try to squeeze in drinking it too. As one hot liquid enters your body another exits.
Feeding the pets
You love your pets, but they won’t starve in the time it takes for you to wee. Opening a tin of cat food and bending down to place the bowl on the floor will test your bulging bladder to the limit and Sheba may have to dine while standing in a warm puddle. Don’t even think about going near the fish tank – the sight of all that water will trigger your waterworks like flood gates being opened in an emergency.
Why do out-of-place cushions and chairs take precedence over the crippling spasms of holding a pint of piss in? You know the tidying will continue onto straightening curtains and sorting through papers until the point of no return comes and a vase will contain something unusual for flowers to drink.
Hanging up the washing
You put a wash on before you left the house. Now it’s been sitting there for hours, no doubt in the early stages of growing mould, so despite your bladder screaming to be emptied you feel a burning desire to hang it out. Trying to neatly hang a full load of damp clothes while doing a jig and clenching your bladder muscles is a near-impossible feat, so it’s lucky you dropped a towel on the floor. Better wash that again now.
Staying on a call
Whether audio or video, not finishing a call is a gamble. Your twitchiness and blunt responses will suggest you’re rude and unpleasant to deal with, which you really aren’t when your bladder sphincter isn’t about to give way. It’s best to excuse yourself before your boss or a business client hears a torrent of piss being unleashed as you sit there with a look of horror and ecstasy on your face, and makes it the last time you ever speak.