EVERYTHING costs more but you’re bored. How will rampant inflation bugger up your attempt to enjoy a typical weekend?
You’re awoken early by the kids. They’re bored because you cancelled Netflix last night to save money, and in your words ‘there’s less on this f**ker than Channel 5’. You head downstairs for own-brand cereal and no heating.
It’s nice enough so you decide to head out to a National Trust site, not that you’re members anymore but there’s one where you can park for free and sneak in. Except there’s billions of cars, it takes 40 minutes to find a space, and they’ve closed that loophole.
The family snuggles under blankets for movie night on ITV4, and for warmth. When they’re in bed you cook a simple meal of Sainsbury’s cheap-brand microwave rogan josh, and you really can taste the difference. It’s foul.
After using way too much petrol yesterday, you walk your son a mile to his football match and back, him whinging all the way. Once there you go to buy a tea and a pie to warm up and it costs nearly eight quid, eliminating any saving.
You finally find time to go furniture shopping to replace your broken armchair, and they want how f**king much? All these bastards were £200 less a month ago. Even DFS? Ridiculous. You drive home in a fury and Google ‘armchair repairs’ while the kids play in the garden like it’s lockdown.
Having had no fun at any point, you grimly face another working week by hastily ironing shirts like there’s a meter running while the family gathers in the heat of the steam. Tonight you have a nightmare about rising interest rates.