'Take a chill pill': cool phrases which effortlessly demonstrate you're old and out-of-touch

ARE you rapidly ageing into irrelevance? Does the slang of your youth date you as accurately as tree rings? Which of these outdated phrases are you using? 

‘Sick’, 1986

The whole bad-meaning-good phase, where sick came from Californian skater slang and described something cool or awesome, lasted longer than ‘tubular’ which frankly never caught on. Michael Jackson ruined it by describing himself as ‘bad’, which he wasn’t. In that sense. Though he very much was in the original sense.

‘….NOT!’, 1992

Popularised by the Wayne’s World movie, everyone back in the early days of the CD Walkman would make sincere-seeming statements and append ‘Not!’ to reverse their meaning. We even did it with elections, claiming we would definitely make Neil Kinnock prime minister before a loud, humorous ‘NOT!’ at the ballot box. You had to be there.

‘Take a chill pill’, 1994

‘Chill out’ crossed from the rave scene to grandparents almost immediately and hasn’t gone anywhere, but this? Means you grew up watching the original Beverly Hills, 90210 and haven’t moved past it. Gen Z would never say this because they take medication very seriously and would immediately check their Insta to find a chill pill dealer.

‘You go, girl!’, 1996

Showing your support for whatever mad thing your female friend wants to do next is a sentiment which remains eternal, but using late 90s slang to do it? Marks you out as the kind of person who could tell you which specific Friends episodes this was used in. Try ‘Yaas queen!’ instead. That’s only a bit old.

‘Let’s bounce’, 2004

Once a great way to announce your intent to leave, now replaced by the French Exit which, in an entirely non-xenophobic way, means leaving without saying a word then texting after to apologise and blame it on your anxiety. Which, to the youth of today, is not only courteous but cool and enviable.

‘Based’, 2012

Adopted by rapper Lil B, none of whose songs you’ve even heard of, ‘based’ meant being true to yourself, not being afraid of others judgment, doing what you want to do. It meant that for about two years then online right-wing arseholes took it to describe Jordan Peterson and his ilk. So it now means ‘right-wing arsehole’.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Man pleasantly surprised when ice lolly emerges from glory hole

A HOT, sweating man at a glory hole was genuinely thrilled to see an ice-cold Fruit Pastilles lolly poked through. 

Bill McKay, a closeted homosexual and HGV driver, entered the toilet cubicle at a Midlands service station feeling excited and horny but also somewhat overheated.

He said: “I had been looking forward to a mouthful of forbidden cock but it wasn’t until that fruity frozen treat slid between my lips that I realised I wanted it so much more.

“I gobbled it up like a lamb at feeding time. On a sweltering day like this, getting a five-segment sugary Rowntree’s lolly is far better than a dirty old dick.

“The man on the other side of the wall was grunting and groaning while I chomped away, having the time of his life. I’m not quite sure what was in it for him. I guess he’s just committed to others’ pleasure.

“By the end, when he withdrew the gnawed, dripping stick, I don’t mind admitting it was the greatest sexual experience of my life.”

He added: “I wonder what he’ll serve in winter. Maybe a piping-hot tightly-rolled Nutella crêpe?”