VLADIMIR Putin is so unpopular he has been forced to pretend fat, spoiled nerd Kim Jong Un is his friend, it has emerged.
Putin, who used to attend the G8 summits with cool world leaders like Obama and Blair, is now so shunned that he has no option but to invite the North Korean leader over to his house.
An aide said: “Jong Un’s personal hygiene is poor. All he wants to talk about is his train set. He shows you videos of when he had his uncle pulled apart by horses, while giggling.
“But there’s no-one else. Xi Jinping won’t be seen with him. The African countries all want a go on his oil reserves but call him a twat. It’s literally Jong Un or no-one.
“The first thing he makes you do is say he’s got a cool haircut. Then he tells you how many press-ups he did that morning, and the number’s usually ‘a million’, and makes you listen to a pop song he recorded yesterday ‘which is already People’s Republic number one!’
“Putin’s only meeting him for weapons, but Jong Un will be on about how he’s best friends with Michael Jordan, how he’s got the new Nintendo console that’s not even out yet and it’s mega, his father being a god, all that. It’s excruciating.
“At the end of it he’ll come back to Russia with a handful of ballistic missiles that aren’t anywhere near as good as they’re claimed to be. And take his humiliation out on Ukraine.”