THE government can say what it likes: every Briton knows that cannabis is Class C and crack cocaine is Class A. Here’s how it actually works:
Class C: cannabis, street cocaine
A sensible, thinking person’s classification based on how long it f**ks you up for. And everyone knows that a couple of hours after a spliff you’re pretty much straight again because Mario Kart has lost its charm and you regret eating a family bag of Kettle Chips.
Street cocaine is similar, except the return to full functioning is about 20 minutes later and all you want is better cocaine.
Class B: Ecstacy, magic mushrooms, LSD, decent cocaine
If you’re taking any of these, you’re bidding reality a fond farewell for at least eight hours. Even with coke you’re gone for the night. You need to be in a situation where you can close the curtains, abandon all wordly responsibilities and let that shit rip.
Class B drugs are therefore a step up and only for experienced users, not to be done alone and not for anyone who’ll take their hit and then reveal to the horror of all assembled that they’re working on the butchers’ counter at Morrisons in six hours.
Class A: heroin, crack cocaine, actual cocaine
The British public makes the rare exception of agreeing with their government on these. These are not substances for the dabbler, because that dabbler will soon be addicted and broken and destitute.
When guys who are into the myriad possibilities of hemp talk about legalising drugs, it’s hoped they don’t mean these. How long do they f**k you up for? Frequently for life.
Rightfully exempt from classification: alcohol
Alcohol? That’s not a drug. You can buy it at Tesco. Yes, it’s a psychoactive substance which causes altered mental states which you can get hooked on and lose everything to, but it’s not a drug. It’s more of a friend.