SELFIES are inherently annoying, but they can be even worse if you’re careful to use these locations:
Running on a treadmill and repeatedly lifting heavy things is how you get fit. Taking a photo of yourself, shirt hoiked aloft to reveal your washboard abs, burns no calories and builds no muscle. The only thing it’s working out is your ego which everyone can already see is in Olympic f**king form.
With your meal
Selfies are annoying. Photos of meals are annoying. Put the two together and you’ve created an image with background figures locked forever in sneers of disapproval. It would almost be more forgivable if you committed to recording the entirety of your vapid life by taking a selfie with your steak dinner when it comes out the other end.
At historically sensitive locations
Sites of historic importance like war memorials are an opportunity for sober reflection. They are not places where you should turn a camera on yourself, make a peace sign, and stick your tongue out of the side of your mouth. Even hashtagging your selfie #RIPthanx4yrsacrifice won’t make it palatable.
In front of landmarks
The New York skyline is a remarkable sight. Your face is puffy, sweaty, and there are massive bags under your eyes. The two do not belong together in the same photograph, so get out of the way and take a picture of something worth looking at. It’ll get more likes which is the whole point.
Next to your partner
Everyone knows you’ve found love because it’s all you talk about. Nobody’s asked for photographic evidence but you’re intent on providing it anyway. Judging by the look on your beloved’s face they’re tiring of being papped more than Britney’s night out with Paris Hilton, and your selfie habit will lead to you being #dumped.