WHILE you look back fondly on your university days, you lived in some disgusting houses. These scenarios will be all too familiar:
Futon in the sitting room
To the tightfisted landlord, everywhere can be a bedroom with a little bit of ingenuity. Losing sleep waiting for your housemates to finish playing Mario Kart at 2am each night before you could fold out your uncomfortable little bed at least gave you an excuse for your awful grades.
Three bikes in the bath
If you live in a third floor flat without a balcony, you need to be resourceful with storage. So after stumbling over all of your bikes in the hall for several weeks, the bath seemed a good spot to keep them. Showering without the grazing your shin against a razor-sharp pedal is overrated anyway.
Hole in the roof
For the first four months of your new tenancy, you’re either too pissed or too hungover to bother to wonder why the house is freezing and there is an insistent drip from the ceiling. However, when you finally make the the effort to open the hatch to the attic, you see a big patch of sky where tiles should be. It takes you another four months to inform the landlord, by which time you’re about to leave anyway.
New, frightening species of mould
After turning the heating off when you all go home for Christmas, you return to find large patches of weird, wonderful and terrifying-looking mould blooming on the walls. Rather than dealing with it in a sensible manner, you simply tape posters over it, get some beers in and pretend you aren’t going to be inhaling potentially deadly spores for the rest of the year.
Your human flatmates are annoying, grubby little bastards, so why not welcome some more in the form of mice and rats? You refuse to call in an exterminator as it will cost money you could be spending on weed, and instead get so used to your new furry friends that you end up naming them when you’re stoned.