THE gimp-suited prowler of Somerset’s identity remains a mystery but, let’s face it, he or she will be a Conservative MP. But which?
Somerset’s brave battler for a Brexit that benefits him personally is the most obvious candidate, but rubber fetishism is an invention of the last 100 years and so beneath Rees-Mogg’s contempt. Fantasising about whipping slaves on his 19th century Malaysian rubber plantation is more his thing.
Deprived of a world or even an office to bully, Patel is fading away without people to terrify. If she cannot make innocents petrified for their very lives, she could die. Consequently, on medical instruction, she suited up and gets her vampiric sustenance from cheap jump scares.
The extent to which rubbing yourself against women while clothed head-to-toe in rubber and wearing a terrifying mask is simply business as usual in the Conservative party can not be underestimated.
He got clean away with the sexual scandal that unseated a prime minister and he’s horny as hell. Why not revel in depravity by gimping up and plaguing a Somerset village? Most residents merely think their fevered frottering imaginations have come to life and that nobody else can see him.
You know it’s Michael Gove. Michael Gove knows it’s Michael Gove. Michael Gove’s wife’s column ‘Why the underground S&M fetish scene is the last bastion of true British morality’ was laid out and ready to print months ago. But this charade shall continue for a while longer.
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