Friday, 29th May 2020

Wife in race against time to locate and destroy guitar

A WOMAN is desperately searching the house to find her husband’s acoustic guitar and destroy it before he remembers it exists. 

Clare Logan awoke in a cold sweat when it came to her in the night that the guitar was still in the house and in serious danger of being played within the next 48 hours.

She said: “The stakes could not be higher. This trip up the attic is basically an Indiana Jones film.

“I’ve already been through the garage and under the stairs, ransacking like a lunatic, knowing that if I don’t find it before Tom does we could be subjected to an inhuman ordeal lasting days.

“If I come down empty-handed there’s every chance the next time I enter the living room I’ll find Tom playing Wonderwall with a self-satisfied look. He only knows three chords, but that leaves us vulnerable to butchered versions of every pop song in history.

“The only choice is to find the guitar and obliterate it quickly and violently. Oh God, what if he livestreams?”

Tom Logan said: “You know what? Maybe I’ll dust off the old acoustic and entertain the old-fashioned way tonight. Once Clare’s stopped breaking whatever she’s breaking upstairs.”