Tuesday, 7th July 2020

Everything on telly now making woman horny

A SINGLE woman in lockdown has admitted that she is now even getting sexually excited at This Morning. 

Emma Bradford, aged 29, believes there may be no limit to the TV shows she had previously considered not even slightly sexual which are now extremely erotically charged.

She said: “Yeah, this is getting to be a problem. I’m even getting turned on by The One Show. 

“It started when I was rewatching Killing Eve, which is quite a horny show so understandable, but when I caught myself fantasising about James Nesbitt in the new episodes of Cold Feet, I started to get concerned.

“I switched to regular TV to cool off, caught the last five minutes of Flog It!, and got hot watching the auctioneer bang his gavel. What’s going on there? Is it the illicit touching that’s doing it for me? Does my body want to be the gavel? Or do I have a thing for antiques?

“It’s a very confusing time for all of us, granted, but I shouldn’t be almost getting there just because a Countdown contestant gets an eight-letter word. But even now if I think ‘fungible’ I shudder.

“I need this quarantine over and fast. I’m terrified to watch Downing Street’s daily bulletin. Anything could happen.”