A WOMAN’s confidence in her bladder is so low she needs a safety wee before leaving the house for 45 seconds, she has confirmed.
Nikki Hollis, who already urinates before any journey, has been reduced to making sure she isn’t caught short at any point during the 22-foot there-and-back trip from her own front door.
The 34-year-old said: “After you get caught short nipping to the corner shop for cooking foil, you put pissing first.
“What if I’m halfway to the recycling and the urge comes on? Do I rattle back into the house with all that stuff or squat in the front garden? It’s a choice I’m working to ensure I never face.
“I just have this recurring nightmare that I’m going to piss myself. I never have, but that’s because I take up to 80 safety wees in any given day. If there’s an opportunity to use the loo, I’m taking it.
“I’m nervous about getting married because what if I need a slash while I’m walking down the aisle? I won’t go to festivals. I avoid friends’ houses if they’ve only an upstairs one.
“I can’t even enjoy films when they’ve neglected to confirm the characters have emptied their bladders before perilous journeys. They should show James Bond taking a piss more. I’d worry less.”