A WOMAN has unveiled plans to spend a delightful weekend curled up in an armchair reading a massive book about shagging.
Emma Bradford plans to open a packet of expensive chocolate biscuits, make of pot of Earl Grey tea and sit in her favourite chair in the conservatory to read the 630-page Shaft of Desire by Deborah Morris.
Over the weekend she will savour the biscuits, the delicately flavoured tea and exhaustive, graphic descriptions of sweaty, uninhibited intercourse while stopping occasionally to appreciate the first snowdrops emerging in the garden.
Bradford said: “I will have my lovely blanket draped over my knees as I sip tea that will be as hot as the big fat cocks that will fill my imagination as I drift gently into Saturday teatime.”
She added: “I’ll have some spaghetti carbonara for dinner and then an early night before I return to the conservatory for a very pleasant Sunday of people coming like maniacs.
“One of the chapters is just titled ‘Wet’. I suspect it’s probably not about tea.”