Woman who makes pouty face has no idea she looks like an idiot

A WOMAN who has pulled the same pouty face in every mirror and photograph for the last 14 years has no idea she looks idiotic. 

Nikki Hollis, aged 28, admitted she has greeted every camera and reflective surface since 2004 with a tilted head, raised eyebrows and an exaggerated pout ‘because it looks good’.

She said: “I’m really happy with the way I look. I’ve got this cute, coquettish thing going on all the time.

“I honestly don’t think I’ve changed since I was a teenager, when I first noticed I looked very similar to a photo of Holly Valance I had on my bedroom mirror and copied all the time.

“It’s all just completely normal and sensible.”

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Night out dangerously close to happening

A MAN who accidentally agreed to a night out with friends is terrifyingly close to having to actually go through with it, he has confessed. 

Tom Logan, aged 25, met up with old university pal Julian Cook last week and agreed to go out this weekend only for Cook to treat the suggestion as if it was serious.

Logan said: “How has it come to this?

“We met for coffee, and remembered the mad nights we’d go on when we were freshers, and how much fun it would be to do that again, but surely he knew I didn’t mean a word of it.

“Instead he disingenously asked ‘if I was free Saturday’ and ever since he’s been contacting other people and roping them in, doing frighteningly binding things like reserving tables and booking minibuses and texting me every detail as if we were planning it together.

“How has he never realised that plans you make with acquaintances are just for politeness, not to be followed through?”

“I’m scared. I’m not actually doing anything on Saturday night, obviously, so I might have not only have to go out but pretend I enjoy it.

“Oh God, what if he makes me go to a nightclub. I’m not ready for this. I’m only 25.”