A WOMAN with hair way down below her arse is convinced it somehow makes her special, she has confirmed.
Charlotte Phelps is so proud of her long locks that she constantly boasts about them as if she were the only human being capable of such an achievement.
Phelps said: “When my hair was only down to my shoulders I was just an ordinary person, no different to the rest of you. But then I stopped going to the hairdresser and now look at me. I’m amazing.
“Yes, it takes the best part of two hours to wash it, brush it and blow-dry it, and I spend a fortune on shampoo and conditioner, but that’s a small price to pay for how deliciously superior I feel.
“People stare at me on the street, gazing openly at my magnificent mane. I’ve heard more than one comment about someone called ‘Cousin Itt’, who I presume is some sort of exotically-named foreign supermodel or something.”
Flatmate James Bates said: “Charlotte’s always stroking her hair and swishing it around to draw attention to it. But, honestly, who can see that amount of the stuff without secretly wanting to gag? Especially when you notice her split ends.
“Also you should see our plughole. No wonder the bathroom keeps flooding.”