WOMEN of 40 or over are more than two decades older than men of 40 and over, the media has confirmed.
Sources clarified that any woman born after 1981 was so old she would be best advised to retire, while men of exactly the same age are in their prime.
Daily Mail showbusiness writer Lottie Phelps said: “A man unfurls from his chrysalis slowly, building through character actor roles in his 30s to name-above-the-title when he hits 40. It’s wonderful to watch.
“But for women it’s different. They emerge into the world in their teens and enjoy two marvellous decades of hotness before withering into faded crones only fit to play villains.
“Don’t worry, we’re still amazingly supportive. If a woman is still hot and 40, we’ll put her in the sidebar pointing out this incredible, age-defying display.
“Or if a woman in her 40s is dating a man in his 40s, we’ll do a big piece about what a great, charitable guy he is for going out with her instead of a 22-year-old bikini model. So we’re doing everything we can.”
Emma Bradford, aged 43, said: “Thanks, the patriarchy, for acknowledging we exist. Have you met any fat, bald, whining, ordinary blokes in their 40s? They’re pretty f**king far from Tom Hardy.”