As a 55-year-old newspaper columnist, nobody understands why young people are angry better than I do

THE young are furious. And, as a middle-aged newspaper columnist living in Hampstead, nobody is better placed to empathise than I am. 

Across the world disaffected members of Generation Z are in despair and you know, I think it’s because of the exact same things I, a member of Generation X, find most concerning.

Climate change, the housing crisis, the rise of populist leaders, the decline of The White Lotus, Gaza and microplastics are the reasons for their unhappiness, and, coincidentally, mine.

But will the political class listen? No. Instead we witness the unedifying spectacle of Keir Starmer lip-syncing an Enoch Powell speech for his TikTok account in a desperate attempt to connect with the youth who aren’t bothered, except in unrepresentative surveys.

Who can blame them for staying in bed smoking weed all day when London house prices are unaffordable? When they can’t get jobs in the media? When wild swimming is no longer accessible?

These teenagers cannot count on a lifestyle like their parents enjoy. And I know, for I am one of those parents. Is it any wonder they call me a ‘stupid bitch’ and slam their bedroom doors? Can we blame them?

No. Instead, we should be learning from the young. We should be doing everything they tell us to do, as long as they’re not those 4chan ones who back Trump and Farage.

So my message to the youth of today is I’m here, and I’m listening to whatever you have to say. Unless it is ‘go f**k yourself’ in which case you have got it wrong.

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Wanker getting incredible signal on train

AN obnoxiously loud businessman is managing to get a remarkably strong signal connection on a train journey, fellow passengers have confirmed. 

Rail traveller Julian Cook has defied the limits of mobile technology by securing a cast-iron signal connection which he is using to hold a high-volume conversation about unleashing transformative change in nurdle manufacturing.

Fellow passenger Donna Sheridan said: “I can barely send a text when we’re stopped at a station, but this twat has his own personal Starlink.

“The connection doesn’t drop for a second, not on lengthy stretches through countryside without a mobile mast in sight and not even in tunnels. I know that because I can hear every booming syllable coming out of his dickhead mouth.

“We’re not in the quiet carriage. I guess calls are allowed. But we’re on the 43rd minute of him shouting trivial work bollocks to a man who’s surely as bored as I am and it’s a two-hour journey.

“No noise-cancelling earbuds can shut this motherf**ker out. He penetrates like a Mormon husband. I’ve discussed it with the woman opposite, and we’ve agreed we’re both going to get off at Paddington very pointedly.”

Cook said: “Hang on, people are talking over me. Let me put you on speaker.”