THE BBC is hoping no viewers have realised its Royal coverage has been the same 25 minutes of content repeated endlessly for the past six days.
Having run out of things to say about Her Majesty roughly 45 minutes after her death, BBC News was faced with the problem of how to fill the next 300 hours of blanket coverage.
Head of BBC Royal Programming Tom Logan said: “Once we’d done the basic bits about service, corgis, paying respects and her learning to drive a truck in the war, we were struggling a bit.
“The trouble is, the secret of her success was that she never actually said anything about anything. Which is one way of staying out trouble but a bugger when you’re trying to get any sense of what she was actually like.
“We were down to an anecdote about her admiring a carpet on a visit to a Job Centre in Northallerton. Apparently she said ‘That’s nice’. That’s when I realised we were f**ked.
“We’ve started looping exactly the same content. Service, corgis, paying respects and her learning to drive a truck in the war. We were concerned that viewers might wonder how or why Nicholas Witchell apparently hasn’t taken a toilet break since September 8th, or eaten, slept or changed clothes.
“Fortunately, we’ve had no complaints yet. Thank Christ everyone’s watching Netflix or down the pub or we’d be shafted.”