Daily Mail flood appeal to help houses but not people

THE Daily Mail has launched an appeal to restore flood-damaged houses to their former market value.

The newspaper has set up the ‘Help the Houses’ fund to provide emergency relief for properties that were worth at least £400,000.

Editor Paul Dacre said: “When I saw a heartbreaking picture of a beautiful Edwardian five-bedroom home with a large, mature garden, a conservatory and a double garage reduced to a waterlogged mess, I realised we had to do something.

“Houses are Britain’s silent heroes, spending their lives increasing in value and asking nothing in return except routine maintenance, a good school nearby and an absence of neighbourhood multiculturalism.”

Today Dacre will visit a flooded home worth £535,000 in a desirable part of Cumbria to observe repairs taking place, before telling the owners to ‘fuck off and live in a field’.