THE owners of the Daily Mirror have offered to buy the paranoid nightmares of Britain’s racist pensioners.
The media group wants to take over millions of nonsensical ideas about immigrants, transgender communists running the BBC and the 12 most effective ways to cause and/or prevent arthritis and dementia.
A spokesman said: “We can squeeze another 10 years of ad revenue out of this demographic before they all die.
“Statins, muslims, oily fish, Bulgaria, sudoku brain boost, muslims, your money, Africa, statins, BBC perverts ban oily fish.
“If you’re an elderly racist who wants to live forever you will have found that last paragraph absolutely exhilarating.
“Now look at this picture of the Queen wearing a lovely hat for just TEN PENCE! (less than some other sack of shit).”