FIFTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, is spending the night with his ‘crew’ in a graveyard with treats kindly provided by Drilla’s older brother.
WAGWAN? Active J ‘as been hexperiencin’ da great houtdoors, fam. Crewdem an’ man decided to ‘ave a hadventure by campin’ hovernight in da local graveyard wiv da deadbots, innit?
Active J wanted to camp on da school hastroturf pitch, coz it is less rank, but crewdem thought man woz bare scared of deadbots climbin’ out of dem’s boxes an’ eating man’s flesh in da night. Are you jokes? Man is scared of nuffink, fam. You is.
Parentdem wanted Active J to stay in da nearest Malmaison hinstead. But man sed Active J is a brave bossman an’ is protectin’ him’s crew so will need a tent, innit. So man took parentdem to Go Houtdoors an’ bought a six-muggle Vango Alderley Air 650XL Tent wiv all da peng cookin’ an’ sleepin’ gear, an’ separate hareas for man’s drip an’ hafter shaves. Man ‘as standards, fam.
Da graveyard woz hyper-rank, fam. It woz bare full of hactual grass an’ mud ‘n ting. There wozn’t much room for crewdem to pitch it coz heverywhere there woz stones wiv deadbot muggle names on dem an’ how old dem’s woz when dem died.
Drilla ‘as been campin’ wiv him’s big bruv bare loads, so him made a fire houtside. Den him gets out a bag of brownies him’s bruv made. Dem woz uber-peng, man ‘ad two. Den we sat haround drinkin’ Monster, chuggin’ vapes, an’ tellin’ rank ghost stories dat made gyaldem scared. Not Active J. Man woz just cold.
Den Drilla started scrannin’ a Curly-Wurly, an’ Lady G hasked if she could ‘ave some, an’ dickhead sed, ‘Yeah, you can ‘ave da holes, innit’. Fam, dat woz da funniest ting man ‘ad hever heard. Crewdem started laughin’ an’ laughin’, tears woz squirtin’ from man’s eyes, innit. An’ da more a bruv sed it, da funnier it woz. An’ den we woz laughin’ coz of da names Curly an’ Wurly, innit. Maybe you ‘ad to be dere.
It woz dark when we stopped laughin’, an’ Lady G looked at da stars in da sky an’ hasked if man thought there woz haliens watchin’ us. Active J sed dunno, but cud Lady G sit up coz her woz’ creasin’ man’s Cole Buxton puffa?
Active J needed a wazz behind a tree, in him’s fourth pengest 95s, in case of splashback, innit. But in mid-flow man saw shadows between da stones! Walkin’ like zombies, wivout swag. Man cud not push him’s wazz out quick henough, fam!
Active J ran back to crewdem an’ told dem dat da deadbots woz halive, or dat crewdem woz gonna be habducted by space muggles. Dem knew Active J woz bare serious, coz man ‘ad not changed back into him’s pengest 95s.
Den heveryone woz scared an’ screamin’ an’ ting. Three figures wiv lights where dem’s hands should be woz comin’ towards crewdem!
Drilla stood up. Active J saw dat gyaldem thought dickhead woz bein’ brave, so Active J busted ahead of him an sed: ‘Man is Active J. Bossman roadman. Is you haliens or deadbots, blud, innit?’
Da figures an’ Drilla started pissin’ demselves laughin’. It woz Drilla’s big bruv an’ crew, dem ‘ad brought bare bags of drive-thru Maccy Ds for munchies, or sumfink. It woz a bit ‘umiliiating but man was bare relieved not to be eaten by zombiedem or get da hanal probe. Gassed!
