Generation that has unlimited free porn can afford to be sniffy about sex scenes

GEN-Z has confirmed that the reason they do not want to see sex scenes in TV shows is because they have been watching hardcore porn for years already.

Young people say they are not prudish but instead feel it is pointless watching underwear-clad actors pretend to have sex when they have had unlimited access to the worst kind of online filth for most of their lives.

Grace Wood-Morris, aged 20, said: “My first experience of sex on screen was a compilation called Bareback MILFs which I watched on my mate’s phone at the back of a history class.

“If that wasn’t titillating, which it wasn’t, do you really think I’m going to be in any way excited by a heavily choreographed scene of a woman with her bra on faking an orgasm on top of a bloke with a sheet artfully obscuring his genitals?

“I’d honestly rather just watch something with a thoughtful and absorbing storyline, which you definitely don’t get in amateur stepmom fauxcest videos.”

Grace’s mum Helen Wood-Morris said: “As someone who spent hours trying to freeze frame the exact right moment of American Gigolo to get a good look at Richard Gere’s penis, I find it a bit sad that kids today have been overexposed to sex.

“Or maybe I’m just jealous.”

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Wanky part of town calling itself 'village'

A PRETENTIOUS part of a regular town has decided to rebrand itself as a village.

Within the urban sprawl of a major British city, a small area has started emulating the likes of other upmarket districts for fancy dickheads such as Hampstead, Highgate, Clifton and Didsbury.

Martin Bishop 31, said: “I love village life. You get the experience of a small, tight-knit community, but there’s a handy big Tesco a few streets over where the ordinary plebs live.

“We have a Facebook group to discuss village issues, and a summer fayre with quirky traditional games, like a consommé taste test and decorative gilet competition.

“We also have a post office. Well, it’s on the site of the old post office. It doesn’t offer mailing services because it’s a vegan deli, but they do deliver.

“In rebranding the area as a village the intention wasn’t to artificially boost desirability to inflate property prices, but that appears to have happened as a consequence. Oh well, mustn’t grumble.”

Roy Hobbs, who lives in the neighbouring town, said: “They should build a wall around it, like The Hunger Games. Then we’d see how community minded they are.”