Kate's photo of Louis is perfect in every way, grovels media that has learnt its f**king lesson

THE British media is heaping praise on the Princess of Wales’ bang-average photo of Prince Louis in a desperate bid to make amends, it has emerged.

After scrutinising Princess Kate’s edited Mother’s Day photo so relentlessly that she felt obliged to reveal she has cancer, the British media has taken a more lenient approach to her pedestrian birthday snap of Prince Louis.

Journalist Norman Steele said: “Wow. There it is. A smiling boy wearing a shirt lying on some out-of-focus grass. Ansel Adams would be proud.

“To the layman it looks like the stock image that comes with a photo frame. But because Kate took it, it puts the Apollo 8 Earthrise photo and that image of American soldiers raising the flag on Iwo Jima to shame.

“They should print it on money, or better yet chisel it onto the moon so the whole planet can bask in its magnificence every night. That’s how gob-smackingly incredible it is.”

Daily Mail columnist Susan Traherne added: “Kate could’ve accidentally covered the entire lens with her thumb and we still would’ve had to say how brilliant it is. That’s how badly we f**ked up last time.

“I would’ve understood if her press release simply read ‘f**k you’ with a jpeg of a poo emoji attached.”

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Inconsiderate boyfriend's sincere apology sucks fun out of girlfriend's rage

A GENUINE apology from a woman’s boyfriend has stripped all the joy from her righteous indignation.  

After Joe Turner forgot about his date night with Charlotte Turner, she intended to spread her fury over several days. However, his authentic and heartfelt apology scuppered her carefully laid plans for making his life hell.

Phelps said: “First he ruins our date night, and then he deprives me of the fun of being in a mood for a week. Is there anything this man won’t take from me?

“I knew exactly how I was going to make him suffer. No sex, or any physical affection at all for that matter. Short, monosyllabic responses. Watching three episodes of our favourite show alone out of spite.

“And of course, if he asked me if anything was wrong, I was going to look away and mutter that everything was ‘fine’. I was genuinely looking forward to it.

“But no. He can’t even allow me the simple pleasure of a five-day huff. I did consider getting annoyed at him for the apology, but that didn’t really seem fair. Ultimately I just had to forgive the twat.”

Joe Turner said: “I feel like I’ve cracked the code. It’s brilliant. If I do something wrong, all I have to do is sincerely apologise and it seems to make everything alright. Honestly, who would have thought?”