Man worried he’s the last of his friends to have an article in Guardian

A MAN is worried that everyone in his social circle has had an article in the Guardian except him.

Tom Logan, from Finsbury Park, logged on to his favourite passive-aggressive news website this morning to be confronted by an article about Beyonce and transgender rights written by his best friend Steve.

Logan said: “I’m a middle class Londoner of the age when most people I know have written for Comment Is Free, if they haven’t got a regular column in G2.

“Next time we go for drinks in an old double decker bus that’s now a cocktail bar, everyone will be looking at me wondering why it’s taking me so long.

“Nobody will say anything, they’ll all look sympathetic but smug just like they all do in their byline photos. 

“I always assumed my friend Isobel would be the last one of us to write for the Guardian, but she got something published last week about how potatoes are a metaphor for class consciousness, and it’s made me question my masculinity and wonder if my life is a failure.

“Hey, maybe I could get a Guardian article out of that.”

Logan added that the only thing more embarrassing than not writing for the Guardian was the fact he had a regular column in the Telegraph.