Sunday, 27th September 2020

Boyfriend and cat getting on little too well for girlfriend's liking

A CAT has formed a suspiciously strong bond with its owner’s boyfriend, she has confirmed. 

Four-year-old tabby Mittens has been living with owner Lucy Parry since she was six months old and has only known Ryan Whittaker for two weeks but has taken to him with suspicious enthusiasm, sparking jealousy, concern and resentment.

Parry said: “We were watching telly the other night and she jumped up to sit on him. Not next to him. On him. Right in front of me.

“She purrs. She snuggles in. Where’s the hostility? Where’s the gratitude? I’ve been emptying that litter tray since we thought Theresa May was competent.

“He’s always stroking her like a bloody Bond villain. Next time he’s round, he can get her stinking food out of the pouches and clean up her shit. Since apparently he’s her favourite.”

Whittaker said: “I don’t like cats one bit. Which cats really, really respond to.

“I’m hoping if I hype up our connection then she’ll take ‘Mittens’ to a shelter. You know what? I think maybe Mittens wants that, too.”