Wednesday, 5th August 2020

Last week of homeschool even more bullshit than last week of real school

CHILDREN have confirmed that the final week of homeschool before summer is even more bollocks than the final week of proper school. 

Kids used to spending their last week watching videos and doing wordsearches are not even being given these cursory entertainments, instead being ordered to piss off and bounce on trampolines.

Ten-year-old Tom Logan said: “Don’t get me wrong, we’re doing bugger all. But somehow it’s a lower quality of bugger all than we’re used to.

“I get that a non-uniform day wouldn’t really work, but what about some fun classroom games? What about a bit of creative play? How about getting the glitter out?

“Instead our ‘teacher’ is telling us to put something on Netflix from her bed, sticking us on the PlayStation straight after breakfast, and kicking us out in the garden whenever she’s on a Zoom call.

“I reminded mum we still had a project unfinished from last week, after I threw that massive tantrum on Friday, and she said she didn’t care. To me that’s unprofessional.

“Still, at least the holidays start next week, and Mum will be playing with us and taking us on great days out non-stop.”