FIRST dates are all about playing it cool and presenting the best version of yourself. But in reality everyone just wants to know the answers to these to-the-point questions.
Do you do oral?
You wish you could slip this question in right after ‘When’s your birthday?’ and ‘Do you have any siblings?’ but manners dictate otherwise. Which is stupid. If that’s what you want, why shouldn’t you be upfront about it? They probably want to know if you’re willing to go down on them too. Maybe hold back all that weird kinky shit you’re into for the second date though.
Any legitimately crazy exes I should know about?
Not those ‘crazy’ ones that dumped your date for perfectly understandable reasons, no. Instead, you want to hear if there are any jealous bunny boilers in their romantic history. The last thing you want is to get attached to someone only to find that you’ll have to fend off a vengeful spurned lover. You’re busy enough with work as it is.
Will you ever become a f**king DJ?
This terrible fate strikes down many a potential romantic interest. Everything will be going well for a few months, if not years, then you’ll notice them start to develop a love for vinyl and catch them watching YouTube videos about turntables. You can’t confront them about this before it happens, though, otherwise you’ll look like a control freak.
Are your parents awful people?
Not just a bit annoying or an acquired taste. Are they terrible people with zero redeeming qualities? After all, if this date goes really well, you’ll end up having to spend a lot of time with them. Some advance warning only seems fair, not least because your date will have inherited some of their flaws.
Seriously, why are you still single?
Asking someone why they’re still single is apparently a dating no-no. Which is a shame, as you’d save yourself time and money if you could ask this before your drinks have arrived, even though they would probably storm out, offended, which wouldn’t help in your search for a lasting relationship. Just assume it’s because of their looks or personality, or both.
