ONLY a passive-aggressive weirdo could misinterpret simple texts. That’s your partner and here’s how they’ll read a straightforward message totally the wrong way.
Ok
Simple, concise and positive. What could go wrong? Just the fact that you’ll soon be dealing with your partner’s mad paranoia. Why didn’t you use an exclamation mark? Did you not spell it ‘okay’ because you’re mad with them and can’t be bothered anymore? Their friends will agree it’s pretty cold, mate.
Running a bit late
Even if you’re notoriously shit at keeping track of time this will trigger suspicion. Your tardiness is because you’re in bed with that work colleague you’re always talking about. It was probably all you could do to press ‘send’ in between the throes of passion, you bastard. Expect a text in response saying it’s over.
LOL
Your partner sent you a funny meme, which is the foundation of your relationship, and you replied with this. Bad move. They will think you’re laughing at them instead of with them. Expect to be immediately blocked and cancelled on social media. What sort of scumbag sends ambiguous texts mocking their own partner?
See you soon
This is breezy enough, surely? No. It’s as formal as an email from your manager requesting you at a disciplinary meeting, and your partner will read it in the malevolent voice of a Mafia don. You might as well have written, ‘Attend meeting room 12 promptly. Bring the horse’s head I left in your bed.’
Night night love you xxx
It’s got ‘love’ in so this text is watertight, right? Look closer, arsehole. There’s only three kisses at the end, which is less than you usually use, and there’s not even a heart emoji. Are you some sort of robot? Instead of sleeping your partner will start swiping Tinder for someone who isn’t a cold, distant sociopath incapable of expressing emotion.
