DEEPLY and profoundly in love with someone? Terrified they’ll find out and reject you? Here are five fool-proof methods of keeping your crush hidden:
Spend loads of time with them
Back when you were a teenager you never spent time with your crushes. You mooned over them in the privacy of your own bedroom or lunchtime chess club. Therefore, spending as much time as possible with your secret beau, at their beck and call day and night, means they’ll never suspect you’re interested.
Disapprove whenever they go on a date
Their search for love wouldn’t bother you if you weren’t deeply devoted to them. But on the other hand, affecting disinterest will make it obvious you’re hiding something. So walk the middle road by taking exception to every possible partner from the off, but pretend it’s a joke.
Like all their social media posts
Supportive friends support one another – and how better to do that than by liking their profile picture 16 seconds after they update it? Waiting a few minutes would make it seem like you were intentionally waiting so they didn’t suspect anything. Not falling into that trap.
Describe your type as someone matching their exact description
While having yet another casual conversation about soulmates and not necessarily recognising you’ve met The One straight away, don’t be evasive. They’ll see right through your description borrowed from Love Island (petite, blonde, big arse), so instead say your ideal type is exactly like them except for one detail like ‘not allergic to nuts’.
Date someone else
The perfect way to show that you’ve got nothing to hide is by going out with someone else. Even if the relationship is miserable, it proves that you definitely, definitely wouldn’t rather be with them because you’re with this awful person instead. Great.