INTERVIEWS are much like dates: you put a shitload of work and afterwards they refuse to answer messages. Use these tactics for both:
Arrive early-ish
Getting there late gives a bad impression, but arriving two hours beforehand proves you’re desperate. Breeze in ten minutes early like you just swung by between two far cooler engagements and they’re lucky to have your time.
Laugh hysterically at their jokes
This is the funniest, most interesting conversation you have ever had. You are connecting on so many levels, the fun will never stop, even when you have to see each other every morning for the next ten years. Warning: certain things, like pay offers or expectations of sex acts, may be hilarious but not be a joke.
Put way too much effort into your appearance
You want to dress to impress and be groomed to the gods. In either the job or the relationship you’ll never try this hard or look this good again, but for an hour you can feign that you’re always this presentable.
Watch out for red flags
If they’re calling all their ex-partners or former employees crazy, get the f**k out of there. Also any suggestion you be available every evening and weekend to instantly respond to their texts.
Pretend you’re experienced…ish
You need to be super-skilled from extensive experience, but you’ve not been hopping between previous positions every couple of weeks. Bonus points if you’ve operated internationally.
Invent a whole new personality
Shove your hatred for spontaneity and love of lying around doing bugger all right down. You’re up for anything and supremely adaptable. They can find out all that’s a lie when you’ve locked them down and they’re stuck with you.
Pretend to be unconcerned about money
Material things don’t interest you. You’re focused on being happy and fulfilled. Questions about annual income are just for completeness.
Don’t shag them right away
Leave them wanting more. Make sure the contract’s signed before coming across. There will be plenty of time for all involved parties to regret it later.
