Saturday, 26th September 2020

Husband lays groundwork for sex by telling wife he wants to do it later

A MAN has begun the process of seducing his wife by telling her he fancies a shag tonight. 

Tom Booker and wife Madeline have been married for six years and have two children, but have kept their sex life alive by flirtatiously directly requesting sex and reminding each other how long ago they last did it.

Tom said: “Intimacy is all about communication, which is why I tell Maddy every couple of months that if we don’t shag we’re just housemates who share childcare.

“You can’t just pitch up at bedtime and demand sex. You have to prime her for it by saying it in the morning, reminding her in the afternoon and then in the evening you can drink two bottles of wine knowing you’re both already committed.

“But lodging a request for sex with 12 hours notice isn’t the only way of maintaining red-hot chemistry. Whenever we go away without the kids I tell her in advance we’ll have to do it at least twice to justify the cost of the hotel.”

Madeleine said: “There are no surprises with Tom, which is great for sharing finances but terrible for passionate, spontaneous lovemaking.

“Still, I guess at least sometimes we have sex.”