Sunday, 16th May 2021

Younger brother dreams of one day playing PlayStation with the good controller

A NINE-YEAR-OLD has admitted that he dreams of one day playing videogames with an actual official, functioning controller. 

Despite nominally co-owning the PlayStation 4 with older brother Freddie, eight-year-old Joshua Hudson has yet to experience it with an controller that works properly.

He said: “Freddie claimed the controller on Christmas Day, 2017, and said if I ever touched it he’d give me a dead arm. And he’s been true to that promise.

“Instead I have the KraziePlay3010, which is banned in the UK. Mum got it from China. It’s green, on a wire, missing two buttons and has about a half-second lag.

“It continually goes a bit left so you have to hold the joystick always slightly to the right, the circle button gets stuck down so you have to bang it on the table, and the left trigger only works when you pull the right one as well.

“I think this is why I never win on Rocket League and FIFA but Freddie says it’s because I’m crap and the controller’s got nothing to do with it.

“I just want to try it, once, to play Lego Marvel 2 the way the makers intended. But he hides it on a high shelf. Arsehole.”