LONDON recently hosted Comic Con, and such events are heaving with people cosplaying characters you may well fancy. Here’s how to pull your own Poison Ivy or Kylo Ren.
Say: ‘I like a larger Harley Quinn’
Sadly you are going to have to compromise on attractiveness when characters are played by the likes of Margot Robbie and Chris Hemsworth. Although really Harley should be seriously overweight in the films due to her extremely poor impulse control causing her to overeat. They should change that.
Don’t expect too much from conversations
Fictional characters tend to say memorable things like ‘Use the Force, Luke!’ but your potential shag won’t have a scriptwriter, so don’t expect conversations to have the same gravitas. And to be fair, we only see Obi-Wan at moments of high drama, so the rest of the time he’s probably saying things like: ‘Where are the toilets, Anakin?’
Say: ‘Would you mind taking your mask off?’
However much you love Boba Fett, Lady Deadpool or Spider-Man, check what they actually look like before intercourse. You don’t want to get to your hotel room and discover the person you subconsciously assumed would look like Tobey Maguire actually looks like Toby Young.
Take the opportunity to act out your saddest fantasies
Comic conventions are attended by fans of a wide range of franchises. So if your troubled libido has ever wanted a threesome with Ygritte from Game of Thrones and Alyx from Half-Life, this is your best, and indeed only, chance. The fact that it makes f**k all sense just makes it hotter.
Say: ‘I bet guys tell you you look like Mara Jade all the time’
You are in nerd world so adapt your chat-up strategy accordingly. Jokes about ‘Earth-1218’ and compliments based on the Thrawn Trilogy are fine, while a knowledge of Fallout lore will make you look intelligent. Sadly that means you’ve got some ballsaching research to do if you want sex. Still, there’s only 130 hours of Star Trek: The Next Generation to catch up on.
It’s probably fine to blurt out their character name during sex
Saying the name of someone who isn’t the person you’re shagging is usually frowned upon, but can it really hurt in these circumstances? If they went to the trouble of making a costume and spending a weekend in a shitty conference venue, surely they want to be Sue Storm all the time? And, sad as it is, not many blokes will object to being called ‘Starlord’ during sex.
Practise safe sex
For some reason comic conventions aren’t regarded as hotbeds of sexual activity, but it’s still important to practise safe sex. Plan ahead and be sure to use a condom. We know it’s easy to forget when you’re tearing off each other’s Ant-Man and the Wasp costumes.
