FIFTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, and his crew have started knocking on doors for sweets in local villages.
WAGWAN? Active J is hexhausted today, fam. Last night, crewdem busted da Halloween trick or treat ting round Active J’s hood. It woz da bare worst hidea hever, innit.
Lady G an’ gyaldem painted dem’s faces like skellingtons an’ wore da devil horn tings, but there woz no way Active J woz flexin’ any spooky toddler cosplay drip, fam. So man swagged him’s black balaclava, black Yankees cap, black North Face joggers, hoody wiv da hood up an’ boxfresh Air Max 95s. Yum.
Da cribs in Active J’s hood is spread out down da country lanes between villages, so mandem crew ‘ad to do some bare serious walkin’ before we got to da first one. Man knocked on da door an’ da crew all held dem’s phone torches under dem’s chins wiv da Cherry Bakewell vape mist makin’ da air spooky, shoutin’ ’Trick or treat, innit?’
A bare ancient old lady came out wiv a tray of rank homemade birdseed biscuits an’ glasses of chocolate milk made from oats. You wot, fam? Are you dizzy? First, her woz not scared of da crew, an’ second, where is da sweets, dinosaur lady? You is not playin’ da game, innit.
Don’t get man wrong, mandem crew still scranned da biscuits an’ swigged da milk, but birdseed an’ milk is bare peak level on da treat scale, innit, an’ da milk made Monster taste pure rank hafterwards.
At da next crib Active J pressed da hintercom on da gate an’ da crew all did da scary torch ting to da security camera. But a posh voice sed: ‘If you don’t disperse from my property I shall call the police.’ Active J bare shouted back: ‘You wot? Where is your treats, fam? Man wants Haribo, innit.’ Den man heard bare massive dogs barkin’, an’ crewdem gave it rapid toes, innit.
At da next crib, da gyal gave crewdem one Tangfastic each. For real. Wot is wrong wiv you, cuz? But at da next house famdem woz hyper-smiley an’ welcomin’ to mandem crew. Da smilebots hinvited crewdem hinside for treats, but Drilla sed dat sumfink woz wrong an’ crewdem should bare leggit. Are you jokes, dickhead?
Crewdem went in an’ da lady smilebot gave out cans of Monster, an’ da man smilebot hasked if crewdem knew da true meanin’ of Halloween an’ how it woz a pagan ting, or sumfink? Drilla woz gettin’ hultra-vexed, sayin’ da smilebots woz not-rights an’ crewdem should split.
Man sed Drilla woz a not-right for not bein’ hospitable an’ eatin’ da treats. But den da smilebots stood up an’ started singin’ habout Jesus an’ God n ting, an’ how crewdem will go to Hell, like, for eva. Drilla freaked an’ legged it out faster than man ‘as hever seen, so Active J did da same. It woz time before crewdem caught up wiv Drilla, dat dickhead woz bare shook, fam.
So Active J decided to call Hoobers an’ go to da heart of da commoonity, where there wud be nuffink but kindness an’ generosity 24/7, innit. When crewdem got there man sed ‘Wot you got for trick or treaters?’ ‘We have a selection of McFlurries and hot apple pies plus our usual menu, sir,’ sed da Maccie D bruv. Gassed, fam! Turbo-gassed.
