Man encouraging friend to dump her boyfriend definitely has no hidden agenda

A MAN encouraging his attractive female friend to find the confidence to leave her errant boyfriend has stressed that he has nothing to gain from this. 

Ryan Whittaker is urging Sophie Rodriguez to end her relationship purely as her platonic friend, but has told her he is ready to fill any gap it leaves with his rock-solid companionship.

He continued: “You’ve always been too good for him. And too beautiful.

“As a friend, I’ve always encouraged you to confide the ups and downs of your relationship in me, so I can point out his flaws and failings and possible signs he’s cheating.

“And I just don’t think he’s into you enough. He doesn’t hang on your every word or think about you all the time or spend evenings flicking through treasured photos of you he’s saved from your Instagram. He doesn’t even know how many days it is until your birthday.

“You deserve a man who’s unafraid to commit. A man who has your whole wedding planned out in his head. June, in a rain-drenched meadow with a crown of flowers in your hair.”

He added: “After that, maybe take some time off dating. To find out what you really want and deserve from a partner. I can help.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

Margot Robbie, and other celebrity crushes for unimaginative blokes

ARE you a straight man and a basic bitch who’s never had an independent thought in his life? These are the famous women you fancy by default: 

Margot Robbie

You’re not enough of a deep thinker to realise The Wolf of Wall Street was anything but aspirational, and ever since the nude scene you’ve had a bit of a soft spot for this gorgeous, blonde, model-like Australian with a 1,000 kilowatt smile. How unexpected of you.

Megan Fox

It’s been a few years now, but you still remember that intro scene from Transformers like it was yesterday. Bending over a motorbike? Because she’s a mechanic? Now that’s challenging sexist stereotypes. Ever since, something about this brunette sexpot with the incredible curves just spoke to your soul.

Emily Ratajkowski

Some men say the skinny-but-busty look isn’t for them. Not you, though. You find beauty in the most unexpected of places, like on the Instagram page of a world-famous fashion model.

Scarlett Johansson

Woah there. It’s been a few years since ScarJo was constantly topping the Sexiest Women In The World lists – and yet you still wouldn’t kick her out of bed? Your continued interest in the curvaceous blonde bombshell speaks to your wonderfully idiosyncratic taste in women.

Kim Kardashian

The naysayers might criticise Kim and the rest of her family as vapid and talentless, but you’re able to look past the constant sniping to what really matters – her perfect hourglass figure and unreasonably large arse.

Jennifer Lawrence

You’ve shown yourself above the common herd with your passion for this pretty, conventionally attractive woman who isn’t just a model but won an Oscar. What’s more you’ve fancied her ever since The Hunger Games, where she was a kick-ass hero. Truly you are highbrow in your sexual preferences.