A MAN’S values and worldviews lean towards whichever ones stand the best chance of resulting in sex, it has emerged.
28-year-old Martin Bishop’s political, economic and social outlooks are not based on his own independent conclusions, but instead whether they make him appear desirable to the opposite sex.
He said: “It’s liberating. Rather than having to process information and judiciously reach a verdict on controversial topics, I simply think to myself: would it turn women off if I agreed or disagreed with this?
“Take the situation in Gaza. It would take me weeks to unpack what’s going on there and formulate my own assessment. Instead I just condemn Israel because they bomb children’s hospitals. Women love it when you look all paternal.
“The same goes for everyday dilemmas too. My decisions on what to wear, where to eat, and which career to pursue are all based on how likely they are to result in some bedroom action. I’m confident this approach will start working one day.
“It may sound like a spineless way to live a life, but don’t judge me. Every single man you know does it. You really think we enjoyed the latest Bridget Jones movie? Get real.”
Woman Emma Bradford said: “Martin’s lucky that us women are a monolith who all share the same opinions on everything. Otherwise he’d have no idea what to believe.”
