A MAN has justified his personal desire to have sex with lots of women by explaining that men were evolutionarily designed to sleep around.
28-year-old Jordan Gardner, who has an anecdotal grasp of anthropology, has defended his decision to cheat on his girlfriend Lucy Parry by claiming that men are hardwired to be unfaithful shitbags.
He said: “Lucy’s only angry because she doesn’t know the facts. Every man has a biological urge to spread his seed as far as possible by having frequent, unprotected sex with their fit co-workers and her best mate.
“I can’t control it, in the same way she can’t help being crap at parallel parking. If she wants me to only sleep with her for the rest of my life, she’s basically asking me to be a woman. Which, scientifically, would make her a lesbian.
“Of course it’s outrageous when other men shag around, but when we’re talking about my infidelity it’s important to remain rational. I’ll give her five minutes to come to her senses, stop crying, and quit screaming that we’re over.
“Unfortunately public opinion isn’t on Lucy’s side either. My phone is full of my buddies who will back me up. I’m pretty sure my dad would agree with me too.”
Parry said: “By Jordan’s logic my hands were made to strangle him. Maybe he’s right after all.”
