'OK' and four other text replies from dads

IT’S important nowadays to be able to communicate effectively with modern digital technology. Unless you’re a dad. Here are some classic dad text replies:


Whether you’ve told him you’ll be late for tea, made a difficult statement about your sexual orientation, or admitted to murder, your dad will reply ‘OK’. Which is either reassuringly accepting or suggests he doesn’t give a f**k what you’re doing.

‘Who is this?’

Despite fathering you and then living with you for two decades, your dad still hasn’t got your number saved in his battered old Nokia. This means he needs constant confirmation of who is texting him, even when the message says, ‘What shall we get mum for her birthday?’


Need a lift? Want to borrow some money? Asking whether he likes your new partner? It’s a hard ‘no’ from your dad. And it’s a reply that for some reason takes him a fortnight to type and send.

A stream of weird emojis

When you receive 15 crying faces, nine of the one wearing sunglasses, a lion, three pairs of lips and an aubergine, it’s hard to make a judgement call on what he’s trying to say. Has he sat on his mobile phone, or is he drunk? Probably both.

A blurred picture of his feet

Due to a combination of sausage thumbs and being incapable of grasping even the simplest tech, every third text you get from your dad is a photo of his feet. Whilst both useless and aesthetically unpleasing, at least you know he’s still alive.

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Queen spends first welfare cheque on fags and cans

WITH the Crown Estate due to receive a bailout after a slump in revenue, the Queen has been spotted spending her first welfare cheque on cheap fags and booze.

Her Majesty was seen ripping the plastic from a pack of Lambert & Butler while nursing a can of Tennent’s Super outside the Windsor branch of Bargain Booze.

Passerby Susan Traherne said: “I saw this little old lady necking lager, surrounded by unkempt Corgis, and naturally tried to give her a wide berth.

“But she cornered me and insisted on rolling up the sleeve of her tracksuit to show me a tattoo of Prince Philip. At least, I think it was him. It could have been a wizened old potato.”

Queen Elizabeth II said: “Despite having been paid to do f**k all my whole life, this is a whole new level of the gravy train so one is really going for it.

“Fortunately reading the Daily Express has kept me up to date on what one should do on benefits. Now excuse me, I’m off to buy a brand new iPhone and a massive telly.”