IN brand new loved-up relationships there are plenty of events that can be turned into soppy pseudo-anniversaries. Try not to gag at these.
The first time our eyes met
Most couples know roughly when they first met, but nauseating couples go a step further and celebrate the first time they saw each other. This can be regurgitated to anyone who’ll listen, with minor details of how their gaze locked and there was – guess what? – an instant connection. They still feel the same a magical three months to the day later. It truly is a miracle.
Our first date
New couples believe the first time they went to the cinema to watch a Marvel spin-off should be celebrated on a month-by-month basis and will badger friends to recognise this important anniversary on social media. They might even break the self-indulgence down further into weeks and days. This can’t be sustained, and may even contribute to the coming break-up because it’s f**king tedious.
Our first kiss
Not necessarily celebrated on the same day as the first date, as that will have been occupied by eagerly finding out mundane facts about each other. Or it may be the first genuinely passionate kiss that occurred when they realised their deep connection, blah blah blah. You may wish to reconsider your friendship with this couple if they then subject you to an awkward reenactment.
The night we talked until sunrise
A night where you made yourselves ill through lack of sleep from talking shite for hours is a milestone for sickening couples. This deep talk is a romanticised event where one partner waffled on for hours and the other was secretly hoping they could get some kip soon, while feeling increasingly twitchy and unwell. Ironically, they will also bore you with stories about all the times they ‘didn’t need words’.
The day we became a couple
Like gender reveals and marriage proposals, the asking of a partner to become a couple has to be celebrated, and thankfully the rise of social media makes it much easier to self-publicise. If the relationship continues you can expect more posts about engagement and marriage, all with their own anniversaries that require an unenthusiastic ‘like’ or heart emoji before you immediately get back to what you were doing.
The first time we made love
Too much detail, and therefore an anniversary ideal for sharing. They definitely won’t be able to resist if it happened to be somewhere memorable like Glastonbury or under the stars in the Maldives, but it may simply have been in a bed on a random day. You might however be spared being told about it if this super-romantic first coupling took place in a pub toilet or a Kia Rio.
