FROM your fit maths teacher to your cute former boss, there are certain people it was never going to happen with. Join us on a nostalgic journey of sexual regret.
Having sex with a teacher is obviously illegal and leads to Bad Consequences. Nonetheless, here are the ones you fancied:
Hot female maths teacher
How did lovely Ms Stevenson come to be teaching in a comp in the North instead of earning millions on the Paris catwalks? However she was very nice and patiently taught you cosines.
Hot environmental studies teacher
The male equivalent of Ms Stevenson, Mr Galbraith was fancied by all the girls due to his good looks and occasional digressions into music he liked. He was only actually 24, but seemed incredibly grown-up and wise.
Cooler students than you
When you arrive at uni aged 18 there will inevitably be more mature and cooler students than you. Such as:
She was very upper-middle class and spent six months in Thailand doing interesting things like Buddhism and opium. Your teenage years were spent at shit parties drinking Skol. She’s now a highly paid investment banker so if you’d ever got it together you’d never have to work again.
Student radical bloke
Student politicos tend to be abject wankers, but the odd one is genuinely committed and decent. They also wore cool leather jackets. What this guy is up to now is anyone’s guess – he could be a spad or a deeply embittered supply teacher. Still sexy, though.
Very good looking person in a bar
More a fantasy scenario, since you (A) stood no chance with someone way out of your league, and (B) they might have been an utter twat. But here are the random strangers you still carry a minor torch for:
Woman who looked a bit like Debbie Harry
Who could not be attracted to Debbie Harry? However, even if you exchanged a few amusing words at the bar, it’s not really a basis for a relationship. Due to not actually knowing her, she might have been into Wicca, eating roadkill or something equally relationship-breaking.
Man who looked a bit like Jim Morrison
Your heart probably melted over his lovely locks and impressive cheekbones. However you’re probably well out of it because if you’re that good-looking you’re bound to be a dreadful narcissist with a tedious range of male hair-care products.
Potential workplace shag
Amid the endless parade of arseholes you have to work with, there is the occasional really nice one. Who you won’t get to shag.
Attractive female boss
Workplace competence can be strangely attractive, especially if combined with nice hair. Unfortunately a properly successful female boss will already be going out with a successful high-achiever, unlike a troglodyte like you who can’t add up the invoices properly.
Attractive male line manager
Same problem applies. While charming company and a nice person, he is deeply settled with a beautiful woman and a lovely family. They go sailing to Greece together, the heartless bastards.