STRUGGLING to find a polite way of letting your date know they absolutely won’t be getting laid tonight? Pull out any of these stock phrases.
You’re not over your ex
Give them the impression that you’re struggling emotionally with a recent break-up and that’s why they’re getting an Uber home alone, not the fact that they ate their bolognese like a rabid bulldog, and spent 30 minutes talking about how the Queen’s really a lizard.
There’s no spark
Nobody can argue with the absence of a ‘spark’ as it’s ludicrously vague. It lets your date leave thinking that it just wasn’t meant to be, rather than you being disgusted by the visible piss stains they had on their trousers when they came back from the toilet.
I see you more as a friend
While this may seem like a pretty kind let-down, give it even a second’s thought and it’s a real slap in the face. You’re basically saying that you enjoy their personality, but fundamentally find them too physically repulsive to ever consider sleeping with.
I’ve got work in the morning
This will make your date think you’re too much of a consummate professional to jeopardise your career. Really they should take the fact that you’re putting your 11am shift at the counter of the juice bar above the prospect of having sex with them as a grave insult.
We’re not compatible
‘Compatibility’ has nothing to do with whether or not you’d like to shag someone. However, your date doesn’t need to know this. Although maybe they’d have stood a better chance if they hadn’t spent the entire film making annoying ‘That’s what she said!’ jokes.