A COUPLE who spent an entire evening blatantly canoodling believe their excuse of leaving due to tiredness is actually convincing.
Stephen Malley and Carolyn Ryan made their debut as a couple at their mutual friends’ dinner party, arriving halfway through the main course due to ‘heavy traffic’ and proceeding to ignore all the other guests in favour of feeling each other up.
Host Kelly Howard said: “I guess me and Donna were like that once, though luckily we’ve now reached the stage where we shag perfunctorily once a fortnight. But I do hope we weren’t quite so f**king annoying about it.
“I tried to ignore them and keep the evening flowing, but it’s quite noticeable in a room of eight people if two of them are whispering the entire time. And giggling. It’s truly disgusting to see a grown man giggle.
“Maybe they should come up with some better excuses. Or work on their acting skills, because a tired person isn’t putting their tongue in someone else’s ear, you know? Or maybe they should just keep it in their pants for one bloody evening.”
Carolyn Ryan said: “Look, we know the excitement’s soon going to tail off into tedious, mechanical banging so we’re going at it like the absolute clappers while we still fancy each other.”