We don't have a favourite child but we do have a least favourite, admit parents

PARENTS across the United Kingdom have confirmed that, while picking a favourite child might be impossible, choosing their least favourite is easy.

Having long maintained that they love them all equally, those with multiple children have finally admitted that there is always one who they think is a bit of a prick.

Father-of-three Stephen Malley said: “I have two children in university, one studying law, the other medicine. They both take summer jobs each year to help me cover the cost of their tuition. They are a credit to me and their mother.

“But my youngest child, Oliver, spends all day in his room playing Fortnite, yelling into his headset to call some teenager in Serbia an ‘uber-wanker’. We really should have listened to everyone who told us to stop at two.”

Mum Helen Archer said: “All four of my children bring me immense joy. But only one of them regularly rings me at 2am to come and collect her from a club because she’s been sick and lost her purse.

“Put it this way: if ever I was in some terrible Sophie’s Choice-style scenario, I don’t think it would cause me quite as much anguish as it did Meryl Streep.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Mother assumes correctly spelled email from nursery is phishing attempt

A MUM has become highly suspicious after receiving a correctly spelled and grammatically accurate email from her child’s nursery.

Emma Bradford opened the message entitled ‘Update on payment by childcare voucher’ and assumed it was a phishing attempt due to finding no errors anywhere within it.

Emma said: “It was clearly dodgy. Every word was perfectly spelled and there were no random apostrophes, strange capitalisations or errant spaces.

“You can tell a genuine message a mile off because it’ll say something like  ‘Builder’s will be painting the hall, please bare with us or’ or ‘If your littel one has nit’s then they has to be off 48 hour’s’.

“I don’t blame them as they’re run off their feet and haven’t got time to be fannying about with a spell check. And actually it turns out to be a fiendishly clever security system, so long may they retain their cheerfully gung-ho attitude to the fundamentals of the English language.”

The nursery’s director Kelly Howard said: “We’re all very well educated and just do this shit to entertain ourselves. I mean, have you ever looked after a roomful of small children? It’s boring as f**k.”