Woman with older man fantasy disappointed by reality of dating older man

A 27-YEAR-OLD woman with a fantasy of being romanced by an older man has had her illusions shattered by the realities of actually going out with one. 

Lucy Parry had imagined being swept away by a sophisticated, experienced guy at least 20 years older than her but was disappointed after her date with 54-year-old taxi driver Roy Hobbs.

Parry said: “It started well when he made an unsolicited remark about how he is ‘not racist’, but he followed it up by saying he just wanted a sensible conversation about immigration, before gesturing to the waiter in the Indian restaurant where we were eating and saying ‘no offence, mate’.

“And it got weirder from there. He went to the loo three times before the main course arrived and I was imagining he had a cocaine habit, but eventually he told me his prostate isn’t what it used to be.

“He did eventually ask me some questions about myself. He wanted to know what I’m going to do with a ‘useless’ degree in Fine Art, if I think I’m a bull because I have a ring in my nose, and whether I’ll regret my tattoos when I’m older.

“After dinner he invited me back to his place to watch something called ‘On the Buses’. Is that some kind of niche porn I’ve never heard of?”

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Massive plasma TVs and other things Daily Mail readers will assume are on Bibby Stockholm

THE Bibby Stockholm barge is a rudimentary box bobbing about off the Dorset coast. But that doesn’t stop Mail readers from imagining it contains these luxuries.

Massive plasma TVs

Based on no evidence at all, Mail readers will assume that jammy asylum seekers have landed on their feet and scored an en suite master bedroom furnished with 65” plasma TVs. All bought and paid for by innocent taxpayers, of course. Meanwhile they have to make do with an ancient cathode-ray tube set they could easily replace if they could be arsed.

Private healthcare

Bibby Stockholm barge is a floating benefits hotel in the eyes of a Mail reader. Which by their logic means the residents will be treated to the finest fast-tracked private healthcare the state can provide. If they had their way, the barge would be crawling with plague-infested rats and dump them off on Ascension Island. It’s only fair.

A free-to-use money dispenser

Speaking of benefits, Mail readers shudder to think how asylum seekers will have access to the free money dispenser that surely exists on the rudimentary prison vessel. They wouldn’t even spend that cash on something sensible like a second home or a holiday to Gibraltar. No, they’d fritter it away on trivial shit like food and clothing.

Fleets of personal sports cars

Each resident will be gifted their own personal Porsche, Ferrari or Aston Martin, which they can use to zoom between the various wings of their pleasure palace. At least that’s what Mail readers assume, given how they think everyone else without a job is cruising around in sports cars. Curiously enough they’re never tempted to hand in their notice and play the system themselves. Almost as if they know it doesn’t really work like that.

A tunnel into their spare bedroom

Nothing scares Mail readers more than the idea that the Bibby Stockholm barge contains a secret tunnel which leads directly to their spare bedroom with the collapsible sofa bed. Imagine if an asylum seeker used it and walked right in? They’d have to confront them and learn all about their harrowing human experience. The cognitive dissonance would be too much to bear.