A MOTHER has decided her daughter’s devastating news that her relationship of four years is over and her new cushions deserve equal conservational billing.
Sarah Fisher, aged 29, phoned mother Mary to break the bad news that she and her live-in boyfriend have split to find it was considered on the same level as tough upholstery choices and the daily movements of the cat.
Sarah said: “So yeah, it’s over, I’m going to have to move out and I’m pretty heartbroken actually. I can’t stop crying. And apparently they contrast beautifully with the curtains.
“They’re not matching, because if you match too much you lose the individuality of the room, and they’re chenille but the expensive type that doesn’t shed. I’ve been cheated on and may never trust again, but priorities.
“What news would she consider more important than her own? Redundancy? Becoming quadraplegic? Being trapped in the house with a serial killer? Ah well, next time she’s having a health scare I’ll begin a lengthy narrative about discovering a new type of nut milk.”
Mary said: “It was like Sarah hadn’t heard my news. Children. It’s so hard to engage with them.
“I’d said ‘poor love’. But she barely considered my dilemma about whether a rug in the same colour would overwhelm the pelmets.”