Saturday, 7th December 2019

65 per cent of all bullsh*t in PowerPoint

ALMOST two-thirds of all bullsh*t is presented in PowerPoint format, it has emerged. 

The Microsoft presentation software, which dominates all team meetings, adult learning and quarterly conferences, has been named as the key source for the useless toss that dominates our lives.

Professor Helen Archer said: “We’ve been trying to work out why there is so much f**king bullsh*t in the world, and we’ve traced it back to PowerPoint.

“The first UK outbreak appears to be a 1991 marketing business in Soho, a fetid environment tightly packed with proto-hipsters and the terminally suggestible.

“From there it spread like wildfire through the middle-manager class and now there’s barely a gathering of four people where someone hasn’t prepared a 16-slide PowerPoint to spew mindless crap over them all.

“We’re issuing official guidelines warning that any screen showing images of large question marks or stock pictures of teamwork is exhibiting dangerous levels of bullshit and should not be approached.”

She added: “If you find yourself trapped in a PowerPoint presentation, it’s too late. You’ll probably be giving one yourself within a fortnight.”