92% Of English people think all Scottish people know each other

ALL Scottish people are either related or went to school together, according to the vast majority of English people.

A survey for the Joseph Rowntree Institute found that when confronted with a new Scottish person most English people will automatically ask if they know the last Scottish person they met.

Institute spokesman Wayne Hayes, said: “A typical scenario will be at a party when a Scottish person is introduced.

“Within moments he or she will be asked if they know ‘wee Tommy from the glen, used to take us fishing, lovely chap, quite a temper, four foot six, smelled of poo, you must know him.'”

According to the survey, nine out of 10 English people will assume that the Scottish person knows Sean Connery, Lulu and Kenny Dalglish.

Hayes added: “Another typical comment would be, ‘you sound just like Alan Hansen, I suppose you must have been in jail together at some point.'”

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One Billionth Dental Product Launched

IT'S been billed as the biggest event in a generation for people with mouths.

Launched today, Mountain Mouth becomes the world's one billionth dental product and promises a totally new oral hygiene experience.

According to the manufacturers, Mountain Mouth will 'capture the freshness of a mountain and put it in your mouth'.

Henry Brubaker, professor of oral medicine at Colgate University, said: "As a man who talks to dentists a lot, I know they are worried about the lack of mountain freshness in the mouths of their patients.

"We went to the mountainous regions of Tibet, India and China and discovered that those people who still had teeth, had very nice teeth."

He added: "Mountain air can reduce plaque by up to 25% – that's a fact. It reduces the instance of acidic breath by 35% – that's another fact."

Every can of Mountain Mouth will contain fresh, crisp air captured at more than 2000ft above sea level.

People with mouths simply squirt the mountain freshness using the special applicator and instantly feel ready for their next big challenge.

Consumer analyst Tom Logan said: "I honestly felt that a toothbrush for your tongue was as far as oral hygeine could possibly go.

"Now I can't wait to have a mouth full of Mountain Mouth."